Sunday, 18 December 2011

Britain has seen an influx of drunken women being ignored by 20 somethings. This is now being corrected.

Since one night last weekend where I got insane amounts of free alcohol from middle-aged men (and one who may have been alive in the middle ages), my phone has been auto correcting 'you!' to 'you!stopignoringthedrunkwomanxxx'. So whenever I end a text to my friends with 'Thank you!' or 'Love you!' (or perhaps something less pleasant) and click send, I realise my phone has decided to add it's own bit into the message. Not one of my friends has questioned me about this. I have decided that there are two possibilities for this: -

1) These people have gotten to know me too well and know when to just ignore me. I must find new friends so that my attempts to appear normal are not wasted.

2) All of my friends were actually in rooms with lonely, drunken women at the time of receiving my texts, and therefore didn't respond as they were busy making conversation with people who have such amazing jobs that they can be hammered at any time of the day. I want to know what these jobs are and if I'm on the right Masters course to qualify. Or if they'll fund a PhD for me to join them.

I like to thing it's the latter as that gives me another possible career-path to follow (assuming they're hiring when I finish my Masters), it means that my friends are all making new friends thanks to my apparently sentient phone, I'm too lazy to make new friends, and I have a sentient phone! That's omnipotent enough to know when drunken women are feeling lonely!

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